Scream 3

Wasn’t two enough? Actually, wasn’t one enough? The first movie in this trilogy I really enjoyed, but I think the later two were fairly simple attempts to cash in on the success of the first. There was no real flow between them all; it just seemed like the plots were tacked together.

Anyway, Neve Campbell is back as the luckless Sidney, once again being chased all around by a dude in a black cloak and white mask with a giant knife. The other guys are back, Dewey the goofy (ex)cop, and Gale the reporter, plus a stack of new people who, invariably, turn out to be nothing more than stab-ees.

Typical story, they run around for a while with people dying at the hands of the murderer and noone knows who it is. However, there IS a cool cameo. Unlike the other Screams, which amusingly take the piss out of themselves with respect to the stupid things that people do in horror movies, this one.. doesn’t. It makes a passing comment about how in the final in a trilogy, all bets are off, as if this gives it a license to stupidity.

Everyone is fairly boring. Neve walks around with tears in her eyes, and there’s this totally ironic scene. Because I don’t want to ruin it for you in case you (‘re lucky enough to) haven’t seen this movie yet, I’ll give you three clues: Courtney Cox-ARQUETTE, David ARQUETTE, and a wedding ring. IT WILL BLOW YOU AWAY WITH SURPRISE.

There are no interesting special effects in this movie. The makeup and costumes are also boring – unless you like long, flowing black robes, in which case you might be pleasantly surprised. Courtney Cox obviously got shafted in this movie with a trailer with no mirror, otherwise she might have noticed how horrible her hair looked. David Arquette featured, again, a mustache that looked like a small furry worm had crawled out of his nose and was lodging there. The other characters sported several other defects, which were too boring for me to remember.

For the guys – this movie has a shower scene, a towel dropping scene, miscellaneous cleavage scenes, but that is about it. Oh yeh, that’s right – its a family movie. That means NO TITS (not that I really care). However, we can stab, maim, shoot, bleed and swear all over the joint, because this movie is designed for kiddies.

Verdict: See this movie if you are, like I was, sick and bored and there was nothing else at the video shop that you haven’t seen 1200 times already. I’m glad I missed this on the big screen. Get Scream instead again. Forget this exists.

Why didn’t Sidney just move to Australia, or some other country where the killer would never, ever find her? Why is it so hard to NOT get killed in American movies?

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